Sunday, August 20, 2006

It's My Birthday...and I'll Cry if I Want To...

Actually it was my birthday yesterday but I couldn't very well blog on my birthday. Jeez. Okay and I'm not actually crying.

Yes I am another year older. 34. It's a strange age. I don't feel old which I'm not but I'm not really young either. Right now my hair is some horrible red color highlighted with gray. Yup gray. I am now in the camp where I have to dye my hair. Oh yeah I could be totally hippie and let it gray but I just am not ready for that yet. I have fine lines around my eyes and my mouth but I'm not trying to stop smiling. I no longer try to be hip. I'm not as worried about my clothes. Hell, I leave the house with out make up all the time now. And I feel wiser, less stressed, less freaked about little things than I used to be. I don't care what people think when I pretend to be a t-Rex at the park with my kids. Those things don't matter.

But new things do matter. I'm a lot more political than I used to be. This strikes me as odd because this is supposed to happen when you're a teenager. But I realized that there is a difference between my political concerns now. When I was a teen I was very idealistic, and very harsh in my perception of what needed to happen. I was so liberal, and so dedicated to that view that I had a hard time seeing anything else. As I have gotten older I have realized that things are much more complicated than I used to think. I have to think about things before I'll join a protest or sign a petition. I am now more concerned with simple actions like recycling and teaching my children to respect the Earth and her creatures. I want to end war because I know it could just easily be my children being bombed as someone else's.

And it's funny because we are so unsettled in many ways at this point. We're both grad. Students. We don't own a house. We drive junky but good cars. We're still in that gypsy mentality. Yet we're also more settled in many ways then so many people I know who own houses and minivans. I see so much discontent, so many dreams left on the side of the road to stability. We have not compromised that which makes us whole people. I am so proud that we managed this. We may not have what others see as a complete and mature life but we do have a sense that what we're doing is right for us. I don't think Horacio or I will ever look back and say "Shit why didn't I do that?"

1 comment:

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