Well, thank first to all of you who wrote such nice things to my last post.
I am trying very very hard to just not feel very discouraged right now. I know some of it is just the mood I'm in today so I'm trying to not let it get me down. Thank god for exadvisor who really has become my cheerleader through all of this. I'm sorry I ever doubted him. And yes, I do KNOW that my new advisor would not be busting her already busy ass to do all this editing for me if she didn't think I could do it.
BUT...I still just feel like I'm not cut out for this. There is always that nagging self-doubt that eats at me. And no matter how much I am affirmed in my work, I still hear that horrible voice telling "You're not good enough. You're not smart enough." This voice makes writing an essay in which you're trying to sell yourself very, very hard. I know that deep down inside I have to believe in myself in order to write this thing. And I have to get that feeling of love quick because I need to hammer out a new draft by the end of this weekend.
And, I also keep telling myself that I have back up plans. This is not the only thing I am able to do. H and I have both decided that we'll apply this year, and then next but after that it will be looking towards something else. As long I'm teaching...that's what's important to me. I have to be in a classroom.