Today I woke up feeling much better. I do need some retail theory and might go shopping. Now I'm not normally the kind of person who does this but I've been wanting some silver hoops, and I discovered a new used book store!
As Matt pointed out, a lot the pain came from how I found out. It would have been much easier to hear it from a letter but to find out because a ton of other people got in was stinging. And my adviser, who is defintely a la Rosslyn, a pragmatic bitch, told me it was likely due to the guy I wanting to work with leaving. And she had told me earlier, that she didn't think I would be happy there without this guy. Thus it was hard to be congraulatory and happy for the guy who got in when I was nursing my own wounds. And I was happy for him. He's a good guy who is smart, and went through this whole rejection thing last year. He was very kind to me, and encouraging.
But anyway, I woke up, and thought "Hell girl, you didn't really want to go anyway." Our plan was that if we got in was to apply to the schools. Now we have a year to make our applications even better, to do better on the GRE, etc. And we've been thinking about moving to Mexico for a year. I'm hoping to find some kind of part time teaching job (I'd love to teach a religion class but who knows) and H might be able to do something full time. H's parents would get to see the kids for a year, etc, etc, etc. And if we wait, Piper will be four which means I could get her into a PreK program and all the kids would be in school...leaving time for us to work. Ultimately this really is for the best.
And as for the writing: I've made a commitment to myself to write everyday here. I'm going to use the days of the week for different themes. The point is that I need to write. Everyday. Writing on my blog nearly everyday is what got me ready to write my Foucault paper. Thus keep your eyes open:)