Saturday, February 02, 2008

With Each New Day...

Today I woke up feeling much better. I do need some retail theory and might go shopping. Now I'm not normally the kind of person who does this but I've been wanting some silver hoops, and I discovered a new used book store!

As Matt pointed out, a lot the pain came from how I found out. It would have been much easier to hear it from a letter but to find out because a ton of other people got in was stinging. And my adviser, who is defintely a la Rosslyn, a pragmatic bitch, told me it was likely due to the guy I wanting to work with leaving. And she had told me earlier, that she didn't think I would be happy there without this guy. Thus it was hard to be congraulatory and happy for the guy who got in when I was nursing my own wounds. And I was happy for him. He's a good guy who is smart, and went through this whole rejection thing last year. He was very kind to me, and encouraging.

But anyway, I woke up, and thought "Hell girl, you didn't really want to go anyway." Our plan was that if we got in was to apply to the schools. Now we have a year to make our applications even better, to do better on the GRE, etc. And we've been thinking about moving to Mexico for a year. I'm hoping to find some kind of part time teaching job (I'd love to teach a religion class but who knows) and H might be able to do something full time. H's parents would get to see the kids for a year, etc, etc, etc. And if we wait, Piper will be four which means I could get her into a PreK program and all the kids would be in school...leaving time for us to work. Ultimately this really is for the best.

And as for the writing: I've made a commitment to myself to write everyday here. I'm going to use the days of the week for different themes. The point is that I need to write. Everyday. Writing on my blog nearly everyday is what got me ready to write my Foucault paper. Thus keep your eyes open:)


neverneutral said...

So, have you heard from Chapel Hill or is it all just rumors/suspicions?

John B-R said...

Last Saturday I got up early to go to the acupuncturists. At about 7 I drove west along the foot of mountains covered in new snow. The air was so clear I could count every single pine needle on every single tree, even from a distance of 5 miles.

I got to his house early. SO I went for a walk. My heart was overflowing. I was almost in tears. Everything was so, so, so ... exactly!

Then it came to me. Life, human life: love and grief. There's nothing but love and grief. Kinda like a heart beating ...

So - you got rejected. You felt some grief. Lucky you. When you make your next move (Mexico??), you'll feel some joy. Lucky you. Either way, you're alive. What could be better than being so fully alive?

Accepted, rejected, you get a big hug from me.

I hope you got your hoops. I'd like to see them in a photo. I will always think of them as your Fuck UNC Earrings.

Fat Lady said...

I'm glad you found your way to feeling better about this. When I read your other post, I thought two things immediately. The first was - Don't be so sure you didn't get in just because you haven't gotten a letter yet. Anything can happen.

And the second was - I bet Chapel Hill really isn't where you want to be anyway. I think, often, when you're ambivalent about stuff, the universe kind of shows you the right way to go. So, if indeed you haven't gotten in, you've been saved from going your back-up route.

A year in Mexico sounds like it would be wonderful in so many ways.

Lolabola said...

ditto all 3 above ;)

I can't wait to read all the future blogging.

It seems last week was a bit of a vortex for a lot of people. And all turning out for the best. something in the stars maybe?