Monday, September 15, 2008

More Surfacing

Still not unpacked. I lost my energy sometime midweek, and while I managed to clear all but one box out of the dining room everything else is a mess. I manage to keep my kitchen clean and clothes washed but everything else just feels like its too much. And my insomnia has returned. I finally get into my own home, a nice bed, and I can't sleep. Go figure.

The autumn is a time of restless for me. I distinctly remember not only feeling restless but writing about it last year about this same time. Perhaps it's just that I feel so dreadfully overwhelmed by life. At this time, it all too often feels like everything is coming apart. This is the time when I began to second guess my whole life (minus H and children, I'm still pretty ok about them). This year it's felt like the support I had at school has fallen away. Couple this with just feeling like the whole MA in Religious Studies feels amazingly self-indulgent. But there is still a part of me that loves what I do and wonders if I'd love anything else as much. Plus there's that stupid thesis...written and hidden away on my hard drive. The thesis I literally have not looked at in almost six months. I know I need to face that demon.

And this is all just making me feel like I want to run away. But it's awfully hard to run away when you're a grown up.

I am feeling like writing again but I have no time. Until I have time, I'm going to post pictures of Mexico. I'll start with the beginning of our journey...a step backwards into memory.

2 comments:

John B-R said...

Telling you what you already know (just remember, it's out of great affection): one breath at a time, one word at a time, etc.

Plus, it's actually a good thing to feel the way you feel. Who wants to die without having felt everything?

Adela said...

All best wishes for settling down in your new home and hoping the fall brings you good feelings too.