Sunday, December 21, 2008

Another Tedious Update

My plans to write have been consumed with the usual busy seasonal stuff like shopping for presents, baking yummies, and trying to clean after two weeks of utter focus on school. This place has become a sty. My bathroom? Argh. Plus with the kids in school we did the whole kids' in plays thing. It always feels so strange to go to things like that...H and I both tend to feel like posers. It's kind of a grownup thing to do I guess, and I, at least, don't really feel like a grown up.

But we survived, and it was cute. Camille had a really great time while Umberto suffered through...he's not really into these things. The child really is 8 going on 13.
In anti-depressant news...the Welbutin has done it's job. The first week was kind of interesting. The drug made me feel like I was on acid without the hallucinations. It was kind of cool for one day but by day four I was over it. Luckily that went away by last Thursday. I still feel like just the edge has been taken off, and while I'm definitely happy I'm not a zombie or bouncing off the walls. I just feel like it's going to be okay. Like I can make it through the day.

I realized the other day that one reason why I think Zoloft makes people think "zombie" is perhaps really about them rather than the drug. I know that drugs work differently on each person, etc but hear me out. What I was thinking about is how when you're depressed it takes really intense emotion to penetrate the fog. I know that for me in order to feel anything but the depression I had to these burst of extreme emotion...anger, falling in love, etc. If it was a mild feeling, I just didn't feel it. But on Zoloft I feel like I can feel things, not intensely but just everyday things. At first it was strange because I'm used to only feeling things intensely but I'm starting to realize that this might be how normal people feel things.

Some pictures.

1 comment:

John B-R said...

I'm glad you're feeling ... better. Except for the I'm glad, that can be read two ways. At least. You allude to one of them above.

And have I told you that you have objectively beautiful children. It's just a plain damn fact.

Good holidays - and all other days - to you, Ginger.