I woke up to a the kind of day that makes me love North Carolina. The sun is out, bright against a pale blue sky. There is a slight breeze in the air, making the heat a bit more bearable. And I woke up happy, not conflicted, not stirred up with emotions for the first time in a few months.
The last two days have been utterly wonderful. I have a friend from Maine visiting...a friend I haven't seen in about 6 years. But as we sat outside, talking, drinking wine, laughing, it was like no time had passed at all. I felt so relaxed, comfortable in my own skin, happy to be who I was and to be with who I was with. It was a nice feeling.
Last night as H and I lay in bed, cuddling with a beastie on each side of us, we talked for a little while. We cleared some things up, and it felt good. I wasn't sure what where we were going, and now I feel more confident about our path, and our choices. And then I wake up to the clarity of the sky.
This summer will be busy. We have graduate applications to work on. But I also know it will be one of those summers we both love so much. Time spent being together, talking, playing with the beasties, going to parks, exploring creeks, spending late nights hanging out at Barnes and Noble. I'm looking forward to his last day of school. Looking forward to hanging out with him in the mornings.
And I'm going to really read Deluze this summer. I'm ready to take him on. I need to take him. I need to understand his ideas about pleasure and desire. Plus I have this story rattling around that needs to pushed out into the world. I also am making time for my friends, to come over, hang out with us while our kids play in the water, and we laugh. I need lots of laughter and joy this summer.