Today I'm feeling a fit a bit apprehensive. Tomorrow school begins for the two older beasties. I have a hundred worries. Will Umberto be able to handle the academic work? Can he start to act more independent in the classroom? Will Camille be handle the anxiety and stress? Will she make friends? So while I'm acting excited, getting things ready for the morning, I'm a bit churned up inside.
The beasties for their part are excited. Once we get home from dinner, I know there will be an orgy of preparation. Clothes to pick out, back packs to pack, lunches to make. Camille, like me, tends to launch in organizational mode when she gets nervous. And I know the nervousness will hit as we get closer to bedtime. Umberto will be utterly blase of course. If he stresses, he doesn't really show it. He is always the picture of laid backed chill.
And even though I have all this worry, I am still convinced that this is the best decision all around. I know that no matter what decision I make I'd worry. It's the nature of being me. I worry about everything and parenting is no exception. In fact, parenting may be the thing I worry the most about. It's one thing to fuck up things for yourself another to fuck them up for you kids. But I am secure in that they are going to a good place. I know that the teachers they have are warm and caring. Both of my children respond well to these adults. Still I'll have the rest of the evening and most of thenight to worry about the little things that could wrong. And then spend a slightly anxious day worrying about how they're doing. By tomorrow at this time, I'll be fine...maybe not as chilled as U but certainly not as high strung as today.