I am totally posting on the fly AGAIN. My problem is that the day doesn't really end for me until one or two a.m. I keep forgetting that I have to post before midnight to get this post in for the day. Craziness!
Today I discovered that, according to the GRE, I am not any smarter now then I was when I began my graduate program. I say this in jest as I got the exact same score I got five years ago. But it did make me ponder on the way home if I had learned anything. It seems that I have. I know I've read much more and that my understandings of what I read as an undergrad has deepened and changed. Perhaps my test taking ability has undergone no change. I did take this test on three hours of sleep and feeling not very well. Perhaps I can chalk the no change towards betterment to this?
I'll post more on what I have learned tomorrow. Tonight I am thinking about where I was five years ago. Piper had just turned six months, and we had just moved to this same complex. We lived across the green for where we are now. My apartment was filled with boxes and I was seriously freaked out over three papers due right on top of each other. I suspected at that time that I was not capable of doing the whole Master degree thingie. I felt stupid and inept. I wrestled with this insecurity as I tried to write papers with a nursing Piper, and in between attempted to slowly unpack.
There were other concerns. Umberto was not doing so hot in school. He was staring to tell us he hated books. We had no idea what was going on and even less of an idea of what we were going to do. Camille was not talking to anyone, and I was scared she had autism but everyone told me I was crazy for thinking this. Piper was my most chilled baby and thankfully left me lots of time to freak out about what a horrible graduate student I was. It was also the semester I meet wonderful advisor who encouraged me to keep working. A long with H I had two people who had faith in my ability. It helped.
And now here I am five years later with the degree in hand. Sending off more applications for more degrees. It's a frightening process but as I drove home today, I realized that sometimes you are more than you think. I had a passion for the academic stuff and I persuaded H that we had to take this leap into the unknown. Look we are now...about to leap again.
Some images from that not so long past...echoing back in the tiny body of Rowena and the frantic writing and form filling...