I deactivated my Facebook account for the rest of Lent. After a series of events that left me feeling angry, pissy, and insecure, I decided that not only did I need a break, but that I needed some space. The things that were making me so upset were mostly likely stemming from my own questioning of where I am in my life.
We are also shaped by those around us, that is something I believe with great conviction. I do not buy that we chisel ourselves from out of some kind of biological rock. I am not convinced that we have a special "inner self" that is our true self which will lead us to great heights of authenticity. Rather I suspect that authenticity is really a piecing together of all that is around us. We become what we are exposed too...we add what makes senses to us or speaks to us. Sometimes these things come from the most noble places, and other times, not so much.
And it has seemed to me that too often Facebook falls into the not so much category. With Facebook there is a barrage of voices.Too many all at once. I have friends on Facebook that come from so many pieces of my life: school, work, the past, parenting, home schooling, music, etc. And while before it was easy to contain these people in their respective roles in my life, on Facebook, they are everywhere. I see their feeds, their posts. I know their opinions of everything from potty training to religion to politics to their views on spanking. It has become over-whelming. I find myself second guessing so many decisions with which I used to feel comfortable.No I don't think questioning is necessarily bad but these are decisions I have already spent months questioning. I am not the most secure person, and at times, I struggle with the missteps I make as I navigate the world. Those missteps lead me to new places. They expose the cracks in everything as Leonard Cohen sings. But when on Facebook, it is not the cracks that bombard me. It is the cement we all too often stuff into those cracks.