Once we got home, I found some pictures from last year....
And I realized we had been there before when I was newly pregnant with Jude. Before we knew anything about the extra stuff. I was about to go see the Fetal Medicine Doctor. About to get the call that would change my life. I remember I was feeling incredibly conflicted about the pregnancy. I was excited but scared. Worried but overjoyed. I wasn't sure if it was the right decision even though it was something I wanted. I was worried about my motivations.
When we found out about Jude, I went through a lot of guilt. I had asked to much of the universe and was now being punished. This is what happened when you pushed your luck with getting pregnant at my age. I had too many kids and look what happened. I hated these feelings, and tried to convince myself that Jude was a gift. But I don't think I really believed it until I held her and fell in love. Now I can't imagine our family without her, and I am still dazed with how crazy in love I am. Jude is the completion, our full circle.
Perhaps because of this Athens has become impregnated with meaning. Each place we went to when I was pregnant is now full of the secret of Jude.
|Piper last year...|
|Umberto on the cusp to teen|
|And now a teen with a little love to follow him|
|R was still a baby....|
|And now is starting to become a girl...|
|just living in the love that is Jude|
|Horacio with one baby...|
|Now with one more baby|
|And now there is Jude...the completion and somehow our center.|
Perhaps time is not linear but like worlds within worlds. Marking the passage of time is perhaps a way to remind us to look for the markers we left on the trees.